


Clumsy

by Aaronlisa



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: F/F, Ficathon, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 23:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10774818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: She can’t find the words to explain why she doesn’t miss a life that was never her own to begin with.





	Clumsy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for silently_forgot for the second round at the doll_ficathon. The prompt was: They were trapped in there, caged like mice. Spoilers for “Epitaph Two: The Return.”

“Do you ever miss life before all of this happened?” 

Mag’s words are soft as they sit beside one another on the edge of one of the pools, their feet submerged in the warm water. Their arms are pressed into one another’s and Kilo feels a connection to the other woman that she hasn’t felt with anyone in years. 

“No.” 

The response is cold and flat and Kilo almost regrets being honest when she feels Mag stiffen beside her. She can’t find the words to explain why she doesn’t miss a life that was never her own to begin with. Especially since she only has vague, hazy recollections of that life. 

“I do, I miss university and my girlfriend and my cat.” 

It’s Kilo’s turn to stiffen. They’ve never spoken about what’s been happening between them, even if it’s never really progressed beyond a few kisses and caresses. They have taken things slowly for a variety of reasons that make sense to everyone else but Kilo. She can’t help but wonder if Mag cares more about her former girlfriend than she ever will feel about Kilo. 

“I sometimes wonder if she managed to survive, or if she became like almost everyone else.” 

Kilo bites her tongue so that she won’t state the obvious. Instead she shrugs her shoulders, she can’t help but wonder if Mag hopes that her former girlfriend will be one of those that are saved by Topher’s device. 

“What’s strange is that two days before the world came apart, I was planning on breaking up with her. I’d found out that she was cheating on me.” 

Mag laughs at her statement and relaxes against Kilo again. 

“Do you miss anyone?” Mag asks. 

“No.” 

Mag sighs and then stands up. She has a limp from being shot by the Butchers but she’s almost fully healed. Kilo stares up at her and Mag just gives her a sad smile before she walks away. It bothers her that Mag always wants her to be someone else, someone that she can’t be. 

* * *

Kilo worships Echo like a hero even now though she knows now that Echo is very much a General without an army. Echo manages to keep Romeo, Yankee and X-Ray in control even though they want to leave the Dollhouse and go “up top”. They don’t care about the fact that they may still be affected by Topher’s device; they just want to have their freedom. Kilo can see how they’re slowly going stir crazy, and it worries her. 

She worries about what will happen to Echo when one of the others finally snaps and breaks. Echo was able to take them down with Alpha’s help the last time, but will she be able to do it without him? And even more troublesome, she worries about Mag. Soft-hearted, kind to a fault, and sweet, sweet, sweet Mag. 

* * *

It’s obvious that Mag hates their daily sparring sessions but Kilo wants to make sure that Mag will be able to take care of herself if anything happens. Kilo doesn’t know how to tell her that she worries that if something happens to her -- if she reverts back to what she was like before all this started – there won’t be anyone to protect her. Somehow Kilo doesn’t think that Mag would like hearing that. So she does the only thing that she can, she spars with her, teaches her how to fight, teaches her how to survive a war that might still be going on above their heads. 

 

* * *

“You should go easy on her.” 

“She needs to protect herself.” 

“She made it to Safe Haven without you,” Echo points out. 

“She had Zane,” Kilo flatly states. 

“And Lyn and Griff too.” 

“And they didn’t survive. And she got shot when we all came back here.” 

“So did Paul.” 

Echo’s face is hard as she stares at Kilo. 

“I just want her to be safe.” 

“And teaching her to kill is the way to do that?” 

“There are other Houses full of the same tech that we have here. Do you think there’s a little group holed up in each House waiting for the right moment to destroy it?” 

“I doubt it, but making her cold and hard like you, won’t save her. It’ll kill the person that you love.” 

“I don’t love her.” 

Echo laughs at her and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Your compassion or whatever it is might be locked up but you love Mag.” 

* * *

Echo’s words weigh on her heavily and she wonders if it’s true. It’s been so long since she’s felt anything remotely like love that she’s not sure if she even knows what it is anymore. Kilo’s sitting on one of the couches as she thinks about what Echo told her as she watches the others: Sierra and Mag are on another couch watching T play, while Echo and Tony are hidden away somewhere, and the rest of her crew are in the exercise room. She can barely remember what it feels like to be in love. Kilo wonders if she was ever in love before she became Kilo, before she was a doll who was programmed to be whoever the client wanted her to be. 

She’s startled out of her own thoughts, looking up to see Mag laughing at T’s antics. Mag’s eyes are bright and her smile wide as she watches Sierra’s son and Kilo feels a sudden warmth. If this is love, then maybe it wasn’t as overrated as she always thought it was. 

* * *

They’re lying side by side on one of the mats. Their sparring session has left them breathless and sticky with swear. For the first time, Mag had beaten her and Kilo feels proud. 

“You’re getting better.” 

“I should be,” Mag states. 

“I just want to make sure that you’re safe no matter what,” Kilo tells her. 

“I know.” 

Mag reaches over and places her hand on top of Kilo’s. Things haven’t been the same between them since that day in the pool. Largely because Kilo has held herself back because she’s afraid that she’s just a momentary diversion for Mag. Why would someone whole and real like Mag want someone like her? Why would anyone want a broken doll who has willingly broken herself over and over again?

“Do you remember anything before your time at the Dollhouse?” 

“A little.” 

“Why did you sign the contract?” Mag hesitantly asks. 

“I was a student at Freemont College and I got into some serious trouble. I was offered a chance to make that trouble go away.” 

“Do you regret it?” 

The question tears her up on the inside. She’s never had the time to feel regret. It was an emotion that she’d never indulged in. But now, she regrets that she can’t be who Mag wants her to be. 

“Yeah, sometimes.” 

Mag leans up on one arm cupping Kilo’s face with her other hand. Kilo feels that tug on her heart that she always does around Mag. 

“I’m glad that I have you now,” Mag tells her. 

The redhead leans down and kisses her. It’s a gentle kiss and it says so much that neither of them can ever find the words to say. Right now it doesn’t matter what’s happening up above. All that matters is the here and now, this moment that seems to stretch out for an eternity. When they pull apart, Kilo takes Mag’s outstretched hand. 

* * *

 

Their time together is quickly passing them by but every moment that they have together, even though it’s nothing better than a glorified prison, is a special one. Kilo treasures each and every one. She doesn’t think about what will happen when the time is up and they have to leave the Dollhouse anymore, leaving that worry to Echo. It’s there in the back of everyone’s minds, but for the short time that they have, she’d rather just enjoy the time that she has with Mag. It’s nothing more than a dream but it’s her dream and tomorrow can wait.


End file.
